Broken (Without You)

I wrote this song when I was face to face with the insecurity in my heart, allowing me to see clearly how potentially damaging that could be to healthy relationships with my dear loved ones. Even my good deeds can have self-centered motives if I leave my insecurities unchecked.  Pride, jealousy, fear, discontent can all hinder our ability to love others with selfless love.  If there is any true selfless love that flows out of me, it must flow from God, Himself.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  1 John 4:7

Oh My Heart

This is a sweet little story that is quite simple yet it reminds me once again how deeply loved I am by God.

I know that God loves me.  I believe with all my heart in the gospel of Christ and the unfathomable love that has been shown to all mankind.  It shouldn’t be so hard to imagine that He feels that love for me, personally.  But it is.  Thankfully, He reminds me with little events in day to day life just how personal His love is.

My oldest son is now 23 years old.  He is the same little 7 year old who was in the story in a previous post of mine – I Will Never Forget That (So I’ll Always Remember This) – from September.  Another beautiful God-planned little moment between me and my son had my feeble heart pounding with love for him.

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He hasn’t lived at home since he was 19.  Thankfully, he is still close with our family.  He lives about 25 minutes from our house.  There have been many times in the years since he moved out when the separation made things feel so different than when he lived at home.  I know that things are supposed to change as our kids become independent, but I still miss him.

It’s the strangest thing, but when I am really missing him I tend to see him everywhere I go – in Walmart, walking by the river, anywhere people are gathered.  I have told him about this phenomenon.  “That’s when I know I’m really missing you,” I’ll tell him.  To my dismay, it’s never actually him.  My eyes just see what they want to see.

Well, the other day I was stopped a few cars back at a busy intersection when lo and behold I see a young man riding his longboard down the street toward the intersection. My eyes told me it was my son, but I knew better.  An instant later I realized that it really was him!  I was just about to rejoice in this when he suddenly crashed!  I watched helplessly as he picked himself up and sat down on the curb, elbows on knees with a good-natured smile on his face.  I could see that he was okay!  He still hadn’t seen me and I began to repeatedly honk my horn to get his attention.  It didn’t even occur to me until later what anyone else might have thought of my loud attempt at gaining his attention.  I was so focused on wanting him to see me that I became a bit reckless.  I couldn’t get to him fast enough!

As soon as the light turned green I hastily made my way through traffic to perform the world’s fastest u-turn!  He had seen me by now, after all of my honking, and was waiting for me.  He knew I would make my way to him.  This all sounds kind of crazy as it had only been about a week and a half since I had seen him. (smile)

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I pulled up and greeted him with excitement, asking if I could give him a ride to wherever he was going.  He threw his longboard in the car and off we went for a perfect little time of visiting on the way to his destination.  He was early for his appointment and we had some extra time to waste, but it was far from wasted.  It was delightful to hear him talk and to have him right there with me when I had just  been on my way home – an ordinary day turned into a cherished one.

My love for my children is more than I could ever put into words, yet it pales in comparison to God’s love for each of us.  Imagine His heart responding with such joy to see us and know us and to spend time with us, with you, with me; to be stopped in the middle of the day and have that same kind of unexpected encounter with Him as He makes that u-turn, so to speak, just so He can reach us.  If we miss spending time with our own kids, how much more must He miss spending time with us?

The LORD your God is in your midst, a Mighty One who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.  Zephaniah 3:17

 

 

Ready

 

I remember writing this song being so sure I was ready to surrender.  Lately, I have my heart being tugged at persistently to do just that.  The words of this song are so strong and I want to mean them with all of my heart.  A dear and godly woman who I attended church with throughout my childhood would always say, “Lord, make me willing to be willing.”

 

Faith He Can See

 

This song is for my youngest son.  I wrote it when he was nine years old.  He was suffering with tormenting thoughts and wondered why this was happening to him. We prayed and prayed and the relief just would not come quickly.  I told him that sometimes God allows such times of pain in our lives that carry unanswered questions to grow our faith muscles.  This song was a great source of encouragement for him.  It’s not about having perfect belief and understanding everything, it’s about Who you run to.