A few days ago I was writing in one of the last pages of one of my journals. It is nearly full. Pouring over the words I’ve spilled out from the depths of my heart I can plainly see that some of my battles are ongoing – not that I needed to read about them to realize this about my life. So many of my entries are pleading for the same things I’ve written about even years before in other journals. But the biggest, most consistent part of my story is not in those fears, failures, weaknesses or my off and on battle with depression. Nor is it in my beautiful family, the MANY wonderful blessings, provisions, joyful celebrations or victories. I’ve had the good times and the bad and the in between, but the overwhelming constant that marks my heart’s journey is running to my God over and over again. I hope to write a post about the “pieces” of our lives and my own journey to ask God to help me find rest as He gives me His perspective. Maybe we can finally find His peace with those things that we wish we could change. But for today I will just share with you my journal entry. I pray that you can have His perspective to see Him as your constant.
I am almost at the end of this journal. Looking back on the moments spent filling it up with many different kinds of ink and handwriting, there is one central theme throughout. Every single entry that I can possibly think of has to do with my God – His goodness, His glory, my desperation for Him, my desperate pleas to Him, His faithfulness, His word. My words reflect where my hope lies. My sincere and life-saving hope is in my Jesus, my God, my Hope, my Redeemer, and my Healer. His love never fails and He is holding me up to live this life – to try and try and try to believe what is true and learn to walk it out. He is my life-giver and my life-sustainer. He is my Rock and my steady source of light in the darkness. He will be with me to the end and my end will be with Him. May He be glorified in me.